


cardigan

by church_of_natsume (maxille)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Kaoru Birthday Fic, Kaoru is very Sad, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Kisses, im so proud of this, not me writing angst on kaoru's birthday, rated m for touching on mental health issues but its not too serious, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 08:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxille/pseuds/church_of_natsume
Summary: you drew stars around my scars and now im bleeding--kaoru treated his birthday like any other day. this one was different.
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Morisawa Chiaki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	cardigan

Hakaze woke up as if it were any ordinary day. As usual, his two roommates were absent because he was the last to wake. Two years ago, he wouldn’t have noted this day as different to any other, because he didn’t care about it. As a child, he never got to experience the joy of waking up to mountains of gifts given to him by family and friends. The first time he felt said joy was during his first year at Yumenosaki, when he was first noticed within the idol industry. Even then, his birthday was an underwhelming day which he saw no reason to celebrate.

But something about this one was different.

There was a certain someone who was going to make this one special.

And that someone was probably the one knocking right now.

Hakaze, admittedly a little excited, ran as fast as his tired legs could run towards the door and opened it. Standing there was Rei Sakuma.

That was not the someone he was referring to.

“Happy birthday, Hakaze.”

The man laughed eerily, as he usually did. Hakaze was more than a little disappointed.

“Thanks. Do you need something? I’m tired.”

Sakuma passed Hakaze a small box.

“My gift to you. Have a nice day!”

With that, the old man took his leave. The wrapping of the box was rushed; crinkled purple tissue paper held together by a single strip of tape. Typical of Sakuma, Hakaze thought.

He carelessly threw the box onto a table and got back into bed. He fumbled around on the table beside his bed for his phone. Turning it on, he was greeted with a wall of endless notifications, as expected. The list continued to grow by the second. He made a mental note to turn his notifications off later.

Ironically, the abundance of birthday messages from fans and friends alike only reminded Hakaze of how lonely he was. All these people wanting to be with him on his special day, and here he was feeling like he had nobody. It was this feeling of emptiness that plagued him everyday. He hated it. That’s why he scoured for any crumb of attention he could find; he craved even a millisecond of feeling like he’s wanted. Maybe he wouldn’t turn his notifications off after all.

Opening the notifications gave him no such piece of mind; his message requests went up with every refresh. Some of his friends at Ensemble Square had been nice enough to send him a quick message, but it still wasn’t enough for him. He scrolled down until he found a certain person and opened the chat.

Any temptation to shoot a quick “Are you forgetting something?” text left his mind as soon as it entered. He threw his phone in defeat.

He was just busy. Morisawa was surely just busy.

No matter how many times he repeated those words in his head, it still hurt. Morisawa was meant to be his best friend, but he hadn’t even received a text, or any sign that he remembered, let alone cared. He figured that was just him, though; he always was one to jump to irrational conclusions.

After an hour of lying motionless in his bed, he decided to get up. Putting on something more presentable, he headed down to the foyer to check his mail. As expected, the rather large box had many envelopes of all different colours and sizes shoved in there by a most likely fed up mailman. The sight did bring a smile to Hakaze’s face; the though of this many people caring about him made him happy. Maybe Morisawa had written him a card, too.

Morisawa mailing him birthday wishes when they lived in the same building didn’t make a lick of sense, but Hakaze clung to hope anyway.

He was able to bring all the letters back to his room in one trip, thankfully. As he tore into the first one, he could feel the moments worth of happiness draining. By the second, the feeling of usefulness was gone.

By the third, Hakaze had no motivation to open anymore.

* * *

Hours had passed now. Many of his colleagues had gone out of their way to wish him a happy birthday. He mumbled his thanks. He was coming off as rude, no doubt. He didn’t care. Hakaze knew nobody cared. All they cared about was maintaining their own reputations. A simple nice deed would surely get them miles.

The only one to show an ounce of concern was Ran. He had returned to the dorm not long after Hakaze had shoved the envelopes under his bed, maybe to see the light of day after a few months or so. He sat with Hakaze for a moment and assured him that people did indeed care. Hakaze found it odd how Ran knew his situation. Had he perhaps been in the same spot himself? Or was he just grasping at straws? It was probably just pity talk. Ran probably didn’t care.

Hakaze spent the rest of the day in bed. If he had skipped unit practice, he didn’t notice. If someone had entered the room during his daze, he didn’t bat an eye. He simply didn’t care anymore. What had begun as clinging to a false hope had escalated into something much more sinister.

It was late. Less than an hour until midnight. Aoi and Ran were still out. Not even a glimpse of Morisawa. Hakaze knew it.

If only Morisawa knew too.

As of late, Hakaze noticed that his feelings for his dear Moricchi were no longer purely platonic. Maybe it was his happy-go-lucky personality, or perhaps the way his smile sparkled when talking about the superhero shows he adored so much. Everything about the guy made Hakaze’s heart do backflips.

But dear god, was he aloof.

Hakaze wasn’t entirely sure how many times he had openly flirted with Morisawa. He’d gone as far as asking him on dates, to which Morisawa would laugh. It was all one big joke to him. That’s all Hakaze’s feelings were to anyone. A stupid jest.

A thought always plagued the back of his mind, though. What if Morisawa knew? What if he knew all about Hakaze’s feelings but chose to ignore them? He was too nice for his own good. He wouldn’t want to hurt Hakaze’s feelings.

He tried his hardest not to think about it.

He tried to sleep. He couldn’t. He’d slept most of the day. He wasn’t tired. He remembered the only gift he’d received that day; the box from Sakuma still lay on the table. He was able to rip the paper off easily enough. The box was nice; purple leather, very fitting of Sakuma and his unit as a whole. Inside the box was a ring with a bat emblem. It put a smile on his face for the first time in hours. The gift was very reminiscent of Sakuma. Hakaze liked that. He slid the ring onto his right hand and looked at it. He liked it. It stood out from the other accessories on his fingers, but he liked it.

He checked the time. Only thirty minutes left until this dreadful day was over. Maybe tomorrow would be better. Maybe it wouldn’t. Hakaze couldn’t find it in him to care. He sank into his mattress for what must have been the millionth time that day.

He shut his eyes.

He began to drift off.

This would all be over, soon.

...

_Knock, knock._

The knocking was eerily soft. Hakaze groaned. Ran and Aoi had keys. Why were they knocking? Reluctantly, he got up and opened the door.

“Hey, Hakaze.”

None other than Morisawa Chiaki.

A vast range of emotions came upon Hakaze all at once. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. He wasn’t sure what to feel anymore.

Morisawa looked worse for wear. Under his eyes were faint bags, his hair was messy, and Hakaze was certain his shirt was on inside-out. He had no idea why Morisawa had decided now was the perfect time to show himself. What was the point?

“What are you doing here, Morisawa?”

He dropped the nickname. He was angry. He wanted to be, at least. He wanted to cry, too. Angry tears, perhaps. He also wanted to fling his arms around Morisawa and hug him. Maybe kiss him, even.

“Happy birthday, Hakaze!”

His voice was hoarse. Despite that, every word was said with pure excitement. This was the man he loved. This was the man he’d never have.

Hakaze broke into tears.

Morisawa was confused at first, Hakaze could see that. He felt stupid. He looked stupid. Morisawa was probably sick of him. He’d run away for sure.

No.

He was wordlessly ushered inside and sat down. Through teary eyes, Hakaze could see Morisawa grabbing some tissues. He then sat beside him and placed his hand on Hakaze's thigh. It felt like fire. Hakaze couldn’t stand it.

They sat there, not a word between them. Hakaze continued to sob. Morisawa’s fingers ran up and down Hakaze’s back. Hours must’ve passed by now. Hakaze didn’t care. He couldn’t.

“I’m sorry. I’m a terrible friend. The least I could’ve done is make time for you and I neglected to do that. I don’t even have a present. I’m so sorry.”

Tears began to fall from Morisawa's eyes. Words escaped Hakaze’s throat without thought.

“I love you, Chiaki.”

The words could barely be heard through the combined sobs from both boys.

Morisawa heard them, though.

And this time, he believed them.

Morisawa grabbed Hakaze’s chin and mashed their faces together. More conflicting feelings welled up inside Hakaze. Confusion. Lust. More tears. The kiss was messy. Hakaze was usually good at this part. He couldn’t concentrate. All that mattered was that his lips were on Morisawa’s.

They were both left breathless. They chose to say nothing. Morisawa found his way under Hakaze’s sheets. Hakaze joined him. They both fell asleep in each others’ arms. Hakaze didn’t want to try make sense of the situation. He didn’t need to.

* * *

Hakaze was the first to wake up. Morisawa was obviously dead tired. Whatever had taken up so much of his day must’ve been really important. It gave Hakaze a little peace of mind.

It was funny, though.

Even after everything that had transpired last night, he still had doubts. What if the kiss was out of pity? Would Morisawa even want to go further?

He wanted to distract himself from those thoughts. Why couldn’t his brain let him have nice things? Trying his hardest not to disturb Morisawa, he got up and made his way to the small kitchenette in the corner of the room. Ran and Aoi were still out, and hopefully they didn’t plan on coming back anytime soon, because chances are Hakaze and Morisawa would have a lot to talk about.

He began preparing cereal. He hadn’t eaten at all yesterday, he’d only just noticed. It was okay, though. He poured himself a little more than usual to compensate for yesterday. As he poured the milk, he felt a tight grip around his waist.

“Morning, Kaoru.”

Morisawa leaned his head on Hakaze’s shoulder and shut his eyes. Hakaze became a blushing mess. Any doubts he had vanished. The man Hakaze had been pining over for years had his arms wrapped around his waist. He was leaning on Hakaze as he made breakfast. This stuff only happened in the cheesy fiction Hakaze indulged himself in every now and again.

“We should talk, Moricchi.”

Morisawa let out a soft chuckle.

“Do we really need to? You love me, and I love you.”

And just like that, Hakaze felt whole again. Those little words filled the gap in Hakaze’s heart. There was nothing he wanted to hear more.

Hakaze never got to experience the joy of waking up to mountains of gifts from family and friends. And he sure as hell didn’t want that anymore. Morisawa was the best birthday gift he’d ever received.

Him, and that stylish ring he’d gotten from Sakuma.

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDYA KAORU!!!!  
> kaoru is my favourite boy i kin him so hard i love him he deserves good things. why did i put him through this angst? i dont know. this was originally meant to be fluff like... 750 words tops but it turned into this. im so proud of this this is definitely the best thing i've ever written and i love it so much. it all jsut came to me so easily too. yay ok this is a lil early but i love kaoru so much so here you go happy birthday to him and i hope you all enjoyed! pls kudos and follow me on instagram @church.of.natsume. :)


End file.
